Since I last wrote, we have been trying to soak up the remaining weeks of summer. Both kids continue their blitz on the water with swim lessons and are now swimming close to the full width of the pool where they go every Thursday. Timmy still believes he can make any length of swimming he wishes in one breath and longingly eyes the water baby class going on next to him where they get to float under a tunnel (there are no tunnels in the slightly "older" kids classes - yes, I was crushed too). But he does very well to root Ellie on as she copies what he does including pulling extra toys into the pool when the teacher isn't looking. Ha! On a different note, we had to say goodbye to the only nanny that T & E have known in their lifetimes last week as her and our expectations for the fall were not matching up. A shame to say the least, but these things happen. We have been interviewing like crazy since for a replacement and think we have found someone who will be able to provide the same type of stability we want from our potentially very up and down weeks as we move towards them starting pre-school very soon. Change, of course, is inevitable but we are very weary of how much change happens at once. School days will bring about a new schedule and an exposure to a lot more germs for Ellie. While I will never buy into any sort of safe haven theory where we would deprive her of the right to do something she richly deserves to experience as a normal 3 year old, I know the stakes are higher for her in doing just normal daily activity.
A quick update on our family's efforts to support the Feather Falls Run in a months time....I did my first time trial for the 5K and hit a mark of 24min26sec. Doing my best to keep up a regimen of running and biking four days a week in addition to playing soccer. We have raised 94% currently of our $3000 goal in just two weeks. I aim to and WILL beat both of those marks. I have at minimum 27 seconds to take off of my time and am hoping to eclipse the $3K mark by several hundred dollars. Your support of our fmaily means so much to Polly and I, I cannot tell you how heart warming it was to see some of the donations fly in. IN case you missed it a while back, here is the link to the Causes site to see how we are doing or to donate if you still want to do so:
http://wishes.causes.com/wishes/474222
This week has been filled with daily trips to the annual Menlo Charity Horse Show where hundreds of the top Hunter/Jumper riders, owners, and trainers from all over come to cap the summer showing season in Northern California. Polly has grown up attending this show with her mom, competed in countless divisions and won some of their very prestigious classes in years past on her horse, Papillion (aka Sarah). With our efforts for the past year being focused on Ellie's treatment and missing the show completely last year due to being in and out of the hospital, we were hoping the kids could make their riding debut this week. The first possible event a young rider can do is called the "Lead Line" which is for kids 6 years and under. Polly rode in it many years ago and so to be able to get the twins dressed up and on horses today for their first Lead Line was something special. There was an underlying feel of family tradition, pride, and sense of accomplishment by overcoming that filled this rite of passage of sorts which I was so lucky to witness today. Here's a quick snapshot of Ellie right before she entered the ring earlier today....with confidence and a determined demeanor that mirrors her mother in every way.
The difficult part in experiencing the joys of today are that it fills you with sense of an unlimited future without reservation if you let yourself go and just stop thinking. I know that isn't such a bad thing as it allows for our family to create another connection of past, present, and future which of course brings that little extra emotional bond. I returned home today though to hear of another fellow cancer patient passing....making that two in the last two weeks with the latter being a little girl with A.L.L. In both situations, there was a period of about 1-2 years remission prior to relapse and as things progressed thereafter with both achieving a second remission, ultimately it was complications of a compromised immune system due to increased chemotherapy and bone marrow transplant issues that took these two sweet girls to heaven. The number of problems that can come about may often show up with the cancer cells no where in sight. Wow. With Ellie now in here 13th month of remission, I hope I don't have to point out to you the window of time in this journey we are now in. The polarity existing today is tough to take in such big doses during a very short time frame. I somewhat equate it to being in a marathon and passing the 26th mile marker knowing the end is actually no where in sight. I want to see more Lead Line classes, dammit. I just don't think that is too much to ask.
I've been reading a book on Mentor Leadership by Coach Tony Dungy recently. He has got a wonderful knack for tying in aspects of values he sees are central to an effective leader with Christian values and stories of tangible experiences to prove his points. I admire his seemingly mastered ability of "situational" leadership (though he would humbly tell you he will always have a long way to go to master anything). The many forms a person may take to approach an individual or a team are well understood beforehand and employed carefully, based on the existing circumstances, so to appreciate both the delicacy and the urgency of where they both must now go together from here. He talks about the essential aspect of getting into the trenches, digging alongside with everyone who he hopes will ultimately follow him, and then cements it with a reference to the book of John where Jesus washes Peter's feet despite Peter's protest. And Coach Dungy also makes the point that "Faith, simply stated, is belief put into action. Faith in the process and faith in the mission makes a difference".
I struggle with not letting fear win out on days like today. Our resolve to fight daily is not in question, so I think I've got the entrenched positioning down. But, doubt and uncertainty run rampant some nights.....and it is EXHAUSTING. I don't know who decides which kids get to live and which ones don't. I am trying to remind myself that Faith in what we're doing has a long term goal in mind which is potentially not fully recognizable yet. And so we wait while enduring weekly blood test results and injecting poisonous chemo drugs into Ellie which could have severe long term health effects even if it takes care of the cancer as intended. We wait and try to enjoy today amid thoughts ranging from one polar opposite to the other. It is very much a bit of a personal hell on several nights....but then again we have mornings like today where she smiled so big and so proud while riding her horse that I just cannot fathom how this mission of ours could end in anything other than complete success. Please, God.....PLEASE.
I hope you will do me a favor tonight and keep our dear friend Justin in your prayers tomorrow at church and beyond this week. He is fighting his battle with Leukemia right now at Duke in Durham, North Carolina and while the cancer is still staying away, his complications from a Bone Marrow transplant have intensified. We try to send support through his mom over text messages and emails. There is just nothing fair about a seemingly endless string of hospital stays with new twists around every turn. Justin has shown tremendous strength of character through his battle and inspires our own plight everyday.
Things obviously will never be easy. Despite our protest, we kinda know to expect this which on most days is actually fine with me. Bring it on. Even if the marathon hasn't ended yet.....I'm still running. One more excerpt from Coach Dungy I wanted to share talks about Psalm 23 and days like these...
"You get out of the frying pan in the middle of the day only to find yourself in the middle of the fire. God doesn't promise life will be easy but he has promised he will never leave us. Do not continue to struggle with baggage that weighs you down and hinders your progress"
Trying my hardest tonight and keeping the Faith while working myself through it. Please pray for Ellie's continued good health and undeniable loving touch everyone feels when they see her coming. I wish I was as strong as she is.
PSALM 23
The Lord is my Shepherd;
I have all that I need....
He renews my strength....
Even when I walk
through the darkest valley,
I will not be afraid,
for you are close beside me....
Surely your goodness and unfailing Love will pursue me
all the days of my life,
and I will live in the house of the Lord
forever.
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