5K for 5K - Day 450

There have been several milestones you could say we have met in the last 15 months.  The day to day living concept I think demands that you look for the little victories as much as possible.  Small goals equate to a sense of progress however slow it may be at times.  I find myself being driven by this prevailing wind of forward movement.  It is infectious and addicting.  Given what Ellie has endured since this began, there is no shortage of energy to seek out that next step toward a Cure.  If she can put up the fight that she is, I can do whatever it takes within my grasp to make her dreams a reality.  There is no fatigue, there is no turning back, and there is no other choice to be made here.  Faced with an alternative that is unacceptable, we just keep pushing forward.  In the very literal sense, with eyes on the prize, we decided to start running.

Most of you know, we committed to our first cancer based fundraiser over the summer benefiting the wonderful Camp Okizu.  If you missed our post from memorial weekend this past spring, Camp Okizu is a little piece of heaven here in Northern California that exclusively supports children with cancer and their families.  It is a mostly volunteer organization that has grown from a vision of a doctor who was once full time in the Oncology department of LPCH, where Ellie is treated now at Stanford University.  The camp is completely free for all families who attend on either Memorial or Labor Day weekends and for all cancer kids plus their siblings who go to the week long summer camps in between.  With so much public attention always paid to the large organization who do the bulk of the research fundraising, Polly and I decided we wanted to give back to a smaller group like Okizu where we could see folks from our own treatment center benefit directly NOW.  This was our chance to grasp onto something within our control, put an effort forward that Timmy and Ellie can learn from and be proud of, and give back to the many fellow cancer parents we feel so connected to that walk this path with us in solidarity.

I wanted our first fundraiser to be something we could fully embrace in the preparation, so for it to involve running in a race seemed perfect.  The Feather Falls Run in Davis, CA is a new event to Okizu's impressive small town fundraiser events.  It was put on almost exclusively by UC Davis students and led by a fantastic woman who recently graduated and goes by the name of "Lefty" when she is busy volunteering as an Okizu counselor.  The race provided all the motivation I needed to put my running shoes on with a purpose.  What began as an activity for me after my work day to de-stress and clear my head from the endless list of worries (that come with more clinic visits at LPCH for Ellie than I can count anymore) turned into a focused preparation for a target goal of getting into shape and posting a respectable time in the 5K race.

I began running in early April of this past year at about 185 pounds...which includes the always quick 5-6 pounds I seem to gain when the high school soccer season is over (I think it's too many post season celebrations :) ).  My initial 2 mile times were around 16:45 which would equate, based on how I know I would slow down in the late going of a run back then, to a 25+ min mark in the 5K.  We did not start the fundraising piece until late June.  The goals we set were to raise $3000 as a family and for me to break 24 minutes in the 5K with an "eye" on 23:30.

We trekked up to Davis for an overnight trip with the kids on the weekend of Sept 9th for the race and got to enjoy some of Polly's favorite places she frequented while she was a student some years ago.  The college town feel of this particular University is very unique and appealing.  There is possibility in the air everywhere and the setting created y the students who put it together was perfect.  Fairly low budget, but tremendous quality, and to the point.  This was about the people involved and who everyone was running for.  We were joined by both family and friends on the day of for support.  My cousin, Laura, who is a current student at Davis came to run as did a colleague of mine, Sheila, with her twins who are only a month younger than Timmy and Ellie.  AND, we were ever so thankful and grateful to see the Voros family come down from Sacramento to hang with us as well.  Their youngest daughter (Lily) was diagnosed with a form of a bone tumor near her nose when she was an infant at 6 months of age.  We are forever connected because Natalie (Mom) shared a joint hospital room with us on the night of June 26th, the day Ellie was diagnosed.  She kindly offered some sympathizing words during a time when we had no idea which way was up.  Lily, by the way, is now more than a few months DONE with treatment, in complete remission, and now up and around like an active near 2 year old (Yeah!!!!).  After I did the 5K, we all did the 1 mile run as a family "walk" and then the kids participated in the Kids Run around the main Davis Quad (which was awesome because of the crowd of so many people at the finish line cheering at the top of their voices with the kids rolled on in).

Two more folks of note to mention whom we saw while at the event.  One was half of the twin counselors who Timmy and Ellie became completely attached to while we were at camp last May.  We have stayed in contact a little bit with them (they go by "Kitty" and "Scooby" as camp names) and knew that at least one of them would be there this particular weekend.  And the other person hit a little closer home for me.  I was not aware that one of my former students from Serra was such a huge part of the Okizu organization until after I had spread the word about this event to my fellow faculty members and someone had told me.  Hanna was a student in my Algebra II class back in 2007.  During the next year, as a senior, he was student body President, captain of the Wrestling team, played football/threw shot put for the Track team, led a couple different clubs on campus, and put himself in position to attend the college of his choice when Fall 2008 came along.  Little did I know his older brother is also a Leukemia survivor and he and Hanna grew up coming to Okizu.  He loved it so that he now volunteers every summer to be a counselor.  We saw him in Davis and were able to catch up.  As a teacher, there can be no better feeling on some days than seeing your students making a life for themselves that embodies every value you had hoped he would find along his educational path.  I shake my head sometimes that some of my first players I ever coached here in the Bay Area are now in their early 30's.  A story for another time....but that's just crazy.  Time flies.

The 5K race itself felt very good.  Having done a warm up race the week prior, I had gotten the rhythm down on starting with a pace that wasn't too fast.  This race did not have quite the "studs" that the warm race in Burlingame did the week prior, but there were still quite a few people.  I go through three stages when I run: the warm up phase that acclimates my body to what I am mentally demanding, the bulk of the run where the goal is just to "Do Work", and the finishing kick where my muscles know the end is in sight and you face your own personal Wall prior to doing so.

To my surprise in this particular race, I did not go out as fast as I could have, but still found myself leading for about the first 200 yards.  What a rush of adrenaline that was!  Fairly soon thereafter, two very serious runners sprinted by, but for a moment that was kinda cool.  The warm up phase can be particularly challenging because it makes you question sometimes what are you getting yourself into.  Your muscles throw a small mini revolt as they shake any rust off and your lungs begin to scream "HEY - GIVE ME A MINUTE - WILL YA!"  This is where the commitment is truly made.  You are either in this to do it or you're not.  It can be painful.  But on the other hand, it isn't really painful at all.  It doesn't compare to having a needle stuck into your spine once a month to inject medicine, nor the nausea that comes from weekly chemo treatments where poisonous medicines meant to kill cancer are very likely harming healthy cells too.  Breathing hard for 20+ minutes doesn't even skim the surface of the pain and worry shown on a two year old's face who, in the cruelest fashion imaginable, now must face the reality of growing up with a fight 1000 times greater than most of her peers.  Once your body assimilates to what is being demanded of it, you have the ability to unlock a potential you never knew was there nor the strength of 1000 men it can operate with when needed in the most dire situations.  Once you've come up to speed, you are ready to do NOW.

Not sure where I would be with my training without the music in my earphones.  It allows for an escape of sorts so the focus is not on every step I am taking but rather the scope, purpose, and follow through of the fight.  This race was about regaining a little bit of control from that which was taken from Polly and I 15 months ago.  I'll never know why we were chosen for this, but I will be able to say one day we have done and are still doing EVERYTHING we can to knock this horrible disease senseless cell by cell every chance we have.  When I turned off the Arboretum pathway at about mile 2.5, I could feel the finish line getting closer because my legs were getting a bit heavier.  The final kick has been the hardest part to train for.  A lot of coaches will say "It isn't how you start, it is how you finish", and my response is a modified approach of putting the work in throughout the process so that leaving no stone un-turned while preparing leads to your decisions, your strength, and your resolve being 100% crystal clear to you and everyone around you.  So, I kicked for the last 200 yards and posted a time I can say I left everything on the course for....or more importantly a statement in Ellie's name that we will continue to get stronger from this and everyday forward.

I promised pics to mark the occasion....and so here you go:

Pre-Race family pic

Ellie and her favorite Camp counselor "Scooby"

Ellie with her cousin Laura!

My finish line pic.

T n E, Kyle, Marco, and Isabella lining up for the Kids Run

One our favorite pics of Ellie running her Kid's race around the Davis Quad.

Goals Reached:

* We did this as a family

* We raised a grand total of $5,175 !!!! Over $2K more than our original goal and as a result were the top fundraisers for the Feather Falls Run.

* My race time finished at 23:15, 15 seconds faster than my original top goal of 23:30.  I also finished 6th over all for the day.  Not too bad and likely has me semi hooked on doing this type of race much more regularly.

* My weight last March: 185   My weight now:  162  (your own children = all the motivation you need)

This was a success for us and we are so thankful for so many of you who gave donations to us willingly in support.  We feel the the hope you have in your hearts for Ellie everyday.  I know God works in some ways I will never understand, but my faith in how people can come together, walk together, and take on monumental challenges together has never been stronger.  That is God given Faith.  Proven repeatedly everyday I see my little girl wake up smiling.

I play soccer on Monday nights in a recreational adult league here in Palo Alto.  The games get done fairly late and I drive home via Sand Hill Blvd which is the northern border of the Stanford campus and the same street we must take from our home to get to LPCH.  With all the great things that have been going on since life has come back to resemble a much better "normal" in these past few months, I don't get those prolonged periods of worry as much as I used to.  What we fear can be tackled most of the time through these vast reservoirs of strength we are trying to make bigger everyday.  It is possible now to go a few consecutive days every week without involving cancer other than to make sure Ellie gets her 6MP pill before bedtime. (She is doing great by the way, blood counts are good, she has fought off a cold as good as her brother can recently, and both have started to fully enjoy the life of a pre-schooler),  What's unique about driving down Sand Hill Blvd is that this is the street I turned onto while calling my mom to tell her the doc found a second heartbeat on the ultrasound and we were having twins!  This was the first major street I turned left onto when bringing them home for the first time in our already sleep deprived state on June 6th, 2009, just two days old.  This was the street I ventured home on alone with Timmy on the evening of June 26th when we left the ER after news of diagnosis changed everything we ever knew about parenting, and this is the street that still holds triggers to raw emotions of this entire situation....even 15 months later with my daughter in remission and me being allowed a small luxury of a Monday night soccer game.  Why Ellie?  Why us?  It is not worth answering and never will be.  The triggers serve as a reminder that this fight has a long way to go.  We have over a year left of treatment and then a very scary many months after of hoping and praying the cancer stays away.  But I will continue to make the drive down Sand Hill many many more times because I know it is possible to accomplish something small everyday to move forward and now we have done so with an initial attempt to give other families struggling a similar opportunity to get back on their feet with a place like Okizu that brings a great many people some much needed joy.  Like the runner, we all just keep going.....eyes on the prize....we run together.  Polly and I are honored to be a part.