Baptism - Day 156

Both kids are into this particular 3 min video clip right now on you-tube that shows a small girl feeding, riding, and grooming her horse, Strawberry.  When the clip ends, suddenly 2 pairs of eyes shoot upward at one of us and proclaim in unison "AGAIN".  And we play the clip one more time only to see the same result repeat itself several more times.  They want to press on and keep going despite the growing feeling the ride on ol' Strawberry is wearing out its welcome and getting old.  From their vantage point, every time the clip starts, the ride begins anew.  Fresh, exciting, and carefree.  Its a lesson for the bigger roller coaster in the room where the exit is no whereto be found for the time being.

So, AGAIN we go.  This time I am happy to report we're on an upswing.  Ellie's residual chemo in her system finally left her sometime Sunday after Thanksgiving.  By the next day her energy was back, her mouth sores had subsided, she ate a couple of grand meals, and this morning she climbed onto my bed while I still had my eyes closed and "honked" my nose a few times to make sure I was awake.  I think I told you earlier that when she finally turns a corner, she does so in a remarkable way.  Its the kind of bounce back that makes you feel like anything is possible.  Well for the moment it means we can have a few dinners at home, take some Christmas pictures on Friday, and dance in the living room to Coldplay's "Every Teardrop is a Waterfall"  (Requested now by Ellie on a regular basis - who knew she had good taste in music?!).  You should see her dance....moving her arms side to side and stomping her feet while she spins til she's falls over dizzy like she's about to audition for Footloose.  It's hysterical and amazing all at the same time.  Timmy has just recently found the volume button on the ipod as well, so we are certainly not shy on being able to overwhelm the dancing space with sound.  Any why the heck not?  Let's dance - AGAIN.

We have labs tomorrow to check her blood counts.  Her ANC value was low last time so it will need to have risen in the last four days if we are to qualify for the last in-patient chemo for IM, which would begin this coming Monday.  Her mood right now suggests this is a good bet.  We've been very lucky not to have had any delays to this point in IM and though we will soon have another go around with the mouth sores, queasy stomach, and long fits with tears, at least after one more in-patient stay we know we'll be another step closer. I think even though her periodic rebounds after rough spells are known to be inevitable with routine chemotherapy, there is a part of Polly and I that grasp a hold of it with both hands like its our first experience with feeling better.  The lesson in perseverance fuels the work ethic we aspire to have everyday to be "on" at all times.

The now several fellow cancer parents we have met both in person at LPCH or interacted with online on the LLS message/sharing boards are not people we would have known prior to June 26th.  But the enrichment felt with small messages between them, be it directly or indirectly, bring an incredible sense of family.  So, when Polly and I are "on", especially during in-patient stays....there is relief in numbers when you can share a few moments with somebody going through the same thing.  I tell you this because two families who are regulars on the message boards we are a part of saw their kids relapse in the last two weeks.  While Polly and I know we're still on a good path as of right now, reading the shock and disbelief for a set of parents who have already been through so much brings on anger and sadness.  I'm not the type of person who can ignore these possibilities.  You can bet that upswings bring huge fillers of hope where thoughts of invincibility come to mind, but I will never be naive to what we're up against.  When you can't get off the ride, sometimes those in the seats in front and behind you are who you have to count on.  So, I am praying for their kids tonight - Jakob & Leanne.  Their parents deserve Leukemia world wagons to be circled, millions strong!  What else can we do?  We have sympathy and comfort first but then there must be faith encouraged to no end in the medicine, both physical and spiritual with Hope as the guide.  With Ellie in a good state tonight, I'm ready to slay a few dragons for them.  You have to Hope.  You HAVE TO.

We have been given the gift of opportunity this coming Sunday.  An opportunity to begin again, renew our faith, and put T & E in God's hands so they may thrive.  Yes, Thrive (What a word!).  We'll be baptizing them at St Gregory's in San Mateo at 2pm under the guiding hand of Father Joe, who has been an enormous support for us while I've worked at Serra.  I am nothing but humbled with the chance to take part in this.  The church has plenty of room and all are welcome.  Despite sleepless nights, mouth sores, and thoughts of doing this all over again in 5 days time.....we have dancing, we have hopeful prayers, and through baptism, we get to begin AGAIN.  That's a full week.  That's a helluva week.

Speaking of week of weeks, we are in the midst of the annual "Jimmy V Cancer Awareness Week" which culminates next Tuesday night with a double header of college basketball promoted for the past 16 years by ESPN to help raise enormous amounts of funds for cancer research.  In between the two games (roughly around 6pm Pacific Time), they will show the immortal speech Coach Valvano gave at the 1993 ESPY award ceremony about a month before cancer took his own life.  Its worth every second.  So, in the hustle and bustle of the pre-Christmas season, perhaps add a few things to your list - put yourself on the bone marrow donor list, find time to give a pint of blood to the Red Cross, and consider giving to the "V Foundation".  To paraphrase Jimmy's words as I watched Ellie dance tonight, "Cancer can try to take away all her physical abilities....but it cannot touch her mind, it cannot touch her heart, and it cannot touch her soul."

We're gonna beat this thing, El.  Daddy is making you a promise.