Solidarity - Day 242

Individual commitment to a group effort.

That is what makes a team work,

a society work, a civilization work.

~ Vince Lombardi ~

If strength is something we can attribute to ourselves, in my opinion it is simply and ONLY because of the shoulders all around us we have been privileged to stand beside, lean on, and be propped up by.  The very essence of a team is the common belief in something greater than yourself and the power within the joint pursuit for that very dream.  All moving parts have to be willing to seek out that which brings progress for the sake of the team.  But perhaps more importantly, the team that survives has members who have attained a self derived daily motivation to ensure their part gets done.  The more I can do for my teammates, the better off all of us will be down the road.  I've been on many teams in my life.  Those that win, those that lose, those that have to get from point A to point B.  With the final outcome never guaranteed, I have found the ultimate experiences who continue to shape both myself, my family, and everyone else around us are taken from the relationships we build along the way and the incredible people we stand with every single day in Solidarity.

I have coached in 240+ Varsity soccer games over the past 12 years.  It is a part I relish but also one I know exactly where I belong when it comes to which side of the line to stand.  That certainly doesn't mean I wish I couldn't, on some occasions, jump out there and help in a more direct manner when things are not going our way.  Standing on the sidelines can be very tough.  And so as I try to learn something new every day from each team I am a part of, I am constantly asking how I can reinvent my methods of support so that it helps in whatever capacity possible bring us out of any adversity that comes our way.  Have I done today all that I can possibly do?  God knows, if I could take leukemia away from Ellie completely and bring it to me to fight directly, I would do it before you could finish reading this sentence.  Perhaps my call to coach many years ago was in preparation for my family's fight to make sure we beat this thing.

Ellie has completed two of the four major chemo days now in this second half of DI.  The side effects from her marathon day last week with the Cyclophosphomide have been subtle but still manageable.  She has maintained her smile for the most part all week which is always a great sign for us.  Today, she went into LCPH and had another LP procedure for chemo in her spine and then had what we hope to be her final insertion of a SUB-Q injection site for the last four Cytarabine shots this weekend.  He blood counts are starting to drop pretty rapidly.  She is neutropenic, so we are back to complete lockdown for a while.  She has labs again on Monday and I would expect her to need a blood transfusion very soon.  She has lost most of her "puffy" look from the DEX steroids of a few weeks back which is great and has maintained an adequate appetite.  Not great on the food front but good enough for now.  We are two Vincristine shots and one set of PEG shots away (to be given on next two Fridays) from completing DI.  It is absolutely amazing that we have come this far.

There was more I could do to show my support and it is something I should have done a while back.  Though she may not see it right now, I know she'll be looking at pictures one day and I'll want her to see that she never took one step toward walking this alone.....and never will.  Besides that, I think it is just plain "cool" to be bald.  :)

Please keep praying we can keep the germs away.  She is at her most vulnerable right now and we have been ever so blessed to be able to make it into our 7th week of DI strong as ever and germ free.

I've learned compassion from my Mom and the worth of a honest day's work from my Dad.  My grandparents have taught me loyalty and my wife shows me everyday the meaning of love.  Ellie, in 2 years 8 months and 20 days, given me more courage than I could ask for in a lifetime.  If going bald brings awareness to her and many other childhood cancer warrior's plight, then I walk forward in solidarity with great pride.  YES, I am wearing sunscreen.  (Amazing how many people are suddenly sunscreen experts when they come across a bald man)  

It is something fairly small in the grand scheme of things but it is something I can do....and I can do right now.  I want so badly to have everything in my power be a visible and supportive daily reminder to her that everything is going to be OK.  While she screams during her Cytarabine shots or bravely gets up onto the procedure table to lie down for her LP without a peep, I hope she knows how much her mom and I love her.

We have big plans ahead, El, so just you be ready.  Chances are Timmy is already trying to figure out a way to turn the car on so to pull it up to the door for you (please lord, let him have grabbed his own set of fake keys).  Once we get to Maintenance in another month or so, we're going out and having some fun.